I like my sex mixed with concussions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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