in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
