What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
