where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
