Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
