pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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