Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Small penises have feelings too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
