needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
