So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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