I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
