I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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