I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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