I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
