I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
