I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
4 words: hood of his car
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
