Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
