We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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