Your tits are I can't wait for
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
