when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
