I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
