If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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