I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
