hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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