shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
