I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
