so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
