fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
