all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to be your penis for a week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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