listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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