Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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