My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
