the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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