Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
