went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
