I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
