Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
