I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
