He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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