I swear she didn't look like that last week.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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