I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
