I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
