My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
