saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
