He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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