he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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