I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
