the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
