Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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