if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
