Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
