i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize